Newsletter

"What You Want" Seventy-Ninth Edition
"What You Want" Seventy-Eighth Edition
"What You Want" Seventy-Seventh Edition
"What You Want" Seventy-Sixth Edition
"What You Want" Seventy-Fifth Edition

"What You Want" Seventy-Ninth Edition

This is the 79th issue of "What You Want," a monthly e-zine dedicated to your success.

** PLEASE NOTE** The ezine will be sent out quarterly instead of monthly from now on, so look for the next issue around July 1.

1. Upcoming programs

4/3 Growth Properties Hospitality Management – Cherry Hill, NJ

4/9 Entertainment Cruises - Chicago

4/10 Affordable Meetings – Chicago

4/11 Vision Centers of America – New York

4/25 Texas Apartment Association - Dallas

4/29 NACUSO – Las Vegas

6/5 Asociation for Accounting Marketing – San Diego

6/22 Doctors Eyecare Network – Kananaskis Country, west of Calgary Alberta

6/24 Healthcare Convention Exhibitors Association – Salt Lake City

2. Special

Purchase 3 cd's and get free shipping and handling. Must reference this special before purchase. Offer ends 6/30/08.

3. Book summary

This quarter I revisit one of my MUST HAVE books - "Authentic Happiness" by Martin Seligman ISBN 0743524918. I am benefiting from a reminder of his principles! Enjoy!

a.. Gratitude amplifies the savoring and appreciation of the good events gone by, and rewriting history by forgiveness loosens the power of the bad events to embitter.
b.. People who make permanent and universal explanations for good events, as well as temporary and specific explanations for bad events, bounce back from troubles briskly and get on a roll easily when they succeed once.
c.. Learn to argue with yourself: 1. Is this factually correct? 2. Scan for all possible contributing causes 3. Decatastrophize 4. Is this belief useful?
d.. Marriage goes better when it is an every day vehicle for using our signature strengths.
e.. The happiest couples focus on strengths rather than weaknesses, forgive each other more easily, downplay faults, and have optimistic explanations for things.
f.. Optimism helps marriage. When your partner does something that displeases you, try hard to find a credible temporary and narrow explanation for it: "He was tired" or "He was in a bad mood" as opposed to "He's always inattentive" or "He's a grouch." When your partner does something admirable, amplify it with plausible explanations that are permanent and pervasive "She's brilliant" or "She's always at the top of her game" as opposed to the "opposition caved in" or "What a lucky day she had."

"What You Want" Seventy-Eighth Edition

This is the 78th issue of "What You Want," a monthly e-zine dedicated to your success.

1. Upcoming programs

3/18 Lawson Software - Las Vegas - Communicate with Strength: 19 Words that Undermine Your Effectiveness and Wait there's more! 24 MORE Words to avoid to build better business relationships

2. Special

Book two programs for '08 or '09 at the same time and get 20% off both programs! Call 702-260-6842 or email karen@innovativeimpact.com.

3. Book summary

As promised, here is round two on overcoming disappointments from "Is that all there is? Balancing expectation and disappointment in your life" by Dr. David Brandt (ISBN 1886230137). Enjoy!

1. acknowledge disappointment
2. express the emotions out loud to yourself if necessary
3. sort out the issues A. Identify the expectation: what am I disappointed about? What did I expect to happen? B. Identify the wish "For life to be easy, fair, etc." C. Keep the disappointment in perspective. View each disappointment as a singular even without attaching it to past or future events. To believe we have a right to every wish is to distort our relationship to satisfaction.
4. imagine yourself advising a friend in a similar experience and then say this to yourself
5. accept the lost expectation - this does not mean you are necessarily happy with the situation it means you accept rather than deny what exists
6. accepting that disappointment requires surrendering the belief that all of your desires will be satisfied.
7. we can think of disappointment as a possibility meter. Each loss informs us how well we have assessed possibility. If an expectation fails it tells us something about its attainability. Paying attention to this feedback, we can learn to avoid disappointment in the future by shaping our expectations differently.
8. The wish for life to be fair has no bases of reality and we need to surrender our view that that fulfillment is possible. In reality we can not always have what we want.
9. Disappointments are less hurtful when weighted against the gift of existence.

"What You Want" Seventy-Seventh Edition

This is the 77th issue of "What You Want," a monthly e-zine dedicated to your success.

1. Upcoming programs

2/21 World Hotels - Baltimore - Communicate with Strength: 19 Words that Undermine Your Effectiveness

2/22 Meeting Professionals International - Chicago Area Chapter - Chicago - Wait there's more! 24 MORE Words to avoid to build better business relationships

2/27 Idea Factory - Las Vegas - Formula for Email Success - unveiling 34 indispensable tips that get a reply

2. Special

Book two programs for '08 or '09 at the same time and get 20% off both programs! Call 702-260-6842 or email karen@innovativeimpact.com.

3. Book summary

I'm going to revisit a book I covered already in February and March, as this is often a time when new years resolutions fall off and people get disappointed with themselves and others. I think it's easy to overlook the important role that disappointment plays in our professional and personal lives. A terrific book on this topic that I highly recommend is "Is that all there is? Balancing expectation and disappointment in your life" by Dr. David Brandt (ISBN 1886230137). I will give 9 tips from this book this month, and another 9 next month. Enjoy!

1. Have a more flexible attitude - don't invest too heavily in any one outcome.
2. Keep perspective - think of expectations as dessert not obligatory.
3. Be willing to give up what you want when you can't get it.
4. Trim down expectations - reduce the sheer number of expectations that you hold and scale them down to meet the realties of current life. Our expectations should be realistic and based on a practical assessment of our capabilities.
5. Do your best to make realistic assessments about expectations, and less wishing. This strategy requires clarity about what you expect to happen.
6. If you require 100% compliance, trouble can be expected.
7. Eliminate unconditional expectations and substitute less narrow and more tolerant requirements for satisfaction. Expectations that are broad and loosely constructed are easier to satisfy and easier to tolerate if not fulfilled. The less absolute the expectation the greater its chance for success.
8. Expect some disappointment.
9. To live without habitual disappointment we must give up specific hopes, yet not the attitude of hoping. We must keep a vision of possibility without expecting it. Keep our expectations as close to zero as possible.

"What You Want" Seventy-Sixth Edition

1. Upcoming programs

1/19 Doctors Eye Care Network - Toronto - "Communicate with Strength: 19 Words that Undermine Your Effectiveness"

2. Special

Book two programs for '08 or '09 at the same time and get 20% off both programs! Call 702-260-6842 or email karen@innovativeimpact.com.

3. Book summary

I am revisiting one of the best books I have ever read:"The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less" by Barry Schwartz (ISBN: 0060005688). This book is life-changing if you are a "maximizer" like me! (Those of you who are "sacrificers" already have this stuff figured out - lucky you!) Mr. Schwartz has written a superbly researched and eloquent book on the reasons more is truly less, how it affects every day of our lives and what we can do about it. He offers 10 suggestions about decision making that can help reduce stress and increase happiness in your life. Here you go!

1. Set limits on decisions
2. Determine the most important criteria in a decision
3. Embrace and appreciate what is
4. When you make a decision don't look back
5. Make decisions that are non-reversible
6. Be grateful
7. Regret less
8. Anticipate that excitement will dwindle and stop looking for the "perfect" item
9. Remove excessively high expectations

"What You Want" Seventy-Fifth Edition

1. Upcoming programs

12/12 International Association of Exhibitions & Events - Gender Matters - How to Sell to Men - Las Vegas

2. Special

Buy all three of my cd's at $13 each and shipping is only $1 (for all 3) if you pay with paypal!! If you'd like to learn more about the cd's, please visit www.innovativeimpact.com and click on "products". If you'd like to take advantage of this opportunity, email me at karen@innovativeimpact.com and I will arrange for it!

3. Book summary

I had high praise for Bill O'Hanlon's previous book "Do One Thing Different". I share my 2nd installment of tips from his book "Change 101" this month, again sharing some useful self-coaching questions on getting you from where you are to where you want to be using your own brain! Here are 10 more questions/thoughts to help you move through/past a problem/challenge in your life:

a.. Change any body behavior (e.g. add a cough) associated with the problem pattern
b.. Change clothing associated with problem pattern (e.g. put on a pair of shoes, etc.)
c.. If I avoid doing a helpful act toward resolution, I have to do something I don't want (e.g. 50 situps)
d.. What would a person who really felt good about himself/herself do in this situation?
e.. What do I believe is the nature of people, the world, life and relationships?
f.. What is one action I could take that would be incompatible with a premise I have been living with?
g.. Each of us has a spark of life inside us, and our highest endeavor ought to be to set off that spark in one another
h.. Who do I know who would handle this better? What would they do?
i.. Don't believe everything you think! There is a simple fix to "delusions of certainty" - may/might
j.. Challenge unhelpful thoughts with facts that contradict them. Engage in a dialogue with myself.

"What You Want" Seventy-Fourth Edition

This is the 74th issue of "What You Want," a monthly e-zine dedicated to your success.

1. Upcoming programs

11/9 Northwestern Mutual - Communicate with Strength: 19 Words that Undermine Your Effectiveness - Orlando

2. Special

Buy all three of my cd's at $13 each and shipping is only $1 (for all 3) if you pay with paypal!! If you'd like to learn more about the cd's, please visit www.innovativeimpact.com and click on "products". If you'd like to take advantage of this opportunity, email me at karen@innovativeimpact.com and I will arrange for it!

3. Book summary

I had high praise for Bill O'Hanlon's previous book "Do One Thing Different". His book "Change 101", which I pull excerpts from for this newsletter and the next newsletter, also has some good self-coaching questions on getting you from where you are to where you want to be using your own brain! Here are 9 questions/thoughts to help you move through/past a problem/challenge in your life:

1) What did I learn from a previously difficult situation that could help me through this time?

2) How will I know when I have gotten what I wanted?

3) What will I be doing differently after the change is made?

4) What will others notice that would show them this change without me even mentioning it?

5) What do I want as a result?

6) What are first signs that will indicate progress toward goal?

7) What is the smallest action I will agree to take?

8) What is the shortest amount of time I will commit to the change?

9) Consider problems not as fixed entities but rather as patterns

"What You Want" Seventy-Third Edition

This is the 73rd issue of "What You Want," a monthly e-zine dedicated to your success.

1. Upcoming programs

10/6 Vision Expo West - Communicate with Strength: 19 Words that Undermine Your Effectiveness - Las Vegas

2. Exciting news!!

Announcing my brand new, not-to-miss program: "Formula for Email Success - unveiling 33 indispensable tips that get a reply". To learn more about this program, visit www.innovativeimpact.com/facil.htm. Call 702-260-6842 to book the program or email karen@innovativeimpact.com.

3. Book summary

This month I have tidbits to share from a book I do not recommend reading. I've done this before where I just pull out the usable nuggets so you don't have to read the book. Isn't that nice of me? :) The book is "Life Was Never Meant to be a Struggle" by Stuart Wilde. Here are some take-a-ways that were useful to me:

• If I have an ailment with my physical body: realize the weakness is a gift. It allows me to express power in spite of my condition. And the extra time it takes will allow me to enjoy the journey more fully.
• Train myself to be more forgiving of myself, and I will see my life in an infinite sense – not a finite sense. Everything becomes a lesson, a way of strengthening me.
• Only the fool stands and fights; the sage walks away. Avoid people and situations that drive me crazy.
• Are my circumstances designed to nurture me?
• To win a moral victory at the expense of my sanity is dumb
• Am I going too fast??
• Never be afraid to let people go if they’re not right; often that’s the only way you can make room for the right person
• If conditions don’t suit me, then set about changing them
• I am the cause of struggle if there is struggle
• Place myself in a non-confrontational mode, first with myself, and second, with the world around me

"What You Want" Seventy-Second Edition

This is the 72nd issue of "What You Want," a monthly e-zine dedicated to your success.

1. Upcoming programs

9/20 Alliance for Women and Children - Abilene, TX - Communicate with Strength: 19 Words that Undermine Your Effectiveness

2. Exciting news!!

Announcing my brand new, not-to-miss program: "Formula for Email Success - unveiling 33 indispensable tips that get a reply". To learn more about this program, visit www.innovativeimpact.com/facil.htm. Call 702-260-6842 to book the program or email karen@innovativeimpact.com.

Reminder: My new cd "Gender Matters: How to Sell to Men (for men and women)" is now available at www.innovativeimpact.com - click on "products". Also, I have reduced shipping and handling charges for all THREE of my cd's. I invite you to check them out!

3. Book summary

Here's the second part of suggestions from "Test Your EQ" by Mark Davis Ph.D. (ISBN 0451215303), a book filled with some really good nuggets on how to respond to people during conflicts in emotionally mature ways. Enjoy:

1. The goal is to control the anger you feel and express it in a more acceptable manner.
2. Use phrases such as: “I am angry because…”, “I am disappointed because”, “I am frustrated because…” or “I am hurt by this situation…”
3. “Although I am angry, I want to discuss this calmly”
4. Balance expressed anger with care, concern and appreciation
5. Directly acknowledge the emotions of others and their emotional needs
6. Explain sensitively and respectfully what the other person can do to improve the situation or relationship
7. Express your sincere desire to resolve the conflict
8. Start with the easiest conflict to solve if several
9. Identify points of mutual agreement
10. Cooperate and compromise
11. Focus on the future

"What You Want" Seventy-First Edition

This is the 71st issue of "What You Want," a monthly e-zine dedicated to your success.

1. Upcoming programs

8/27 Essex National Securities, Inc.- Communicate with Strength: 19 Words that Undermine Your Effectiveness - Scottsdale, AZ

2. Exciting news!!

Announcing my brand new, not-to-miss program: "Formula for Email Success - unveiling 33 indispensable tips that get a reply". To learn more about this program, visit www.innovativeimpact.com/facil.htm. Call 702-260-6842 to book the program or email karen@innovativeimpact.com.

Reminder: My new cd "Gender Matters: How to Sell to Men (for men and women)" is now available at www.innovativeimpact.com - click on "products". Also, I have reduced shipping and handling charges for all THREE of my cd's. I invite you to check them out!

3. Book summary

"Test Your EQ" by Mark Davis Ph.D. (ISBN 0451215303) is a book filled with some really good nuggets on how to respond to people during conflicts in emotionally mature ways. It's great for personal and professional use. I will be offering some suggestions this month from the book and then a 2nd part of suggestions next month. Enjoy:

a.. People are generally not able to predict how strongly an emotional event will affect them
b.. Mature individuals can regulate their own emotions; they have the ability to master themselves - to control their desires, wishes, impulses and emotions rather than be controlled by them
c.. When you have been provoked by another person, do your best not to immediately respond. Inhale/exhale deeply. Then try to figure out what prompted the provocation in the first place. Other choices - take the other person's perspective, make overtures to the other party to work together to find a solution, learn their vital interests, gather additional information, brainstorm for solutions. Ask open ended questions. Ask for examples to clarify. Summarize what you think has been said.
d.. Choice - cognitive reappraisal - try to mentally change the situation to produce a more desirable emotional states. Change the personal meaning you attach to a situation.
e.. Choice - shift your attention - turn attention away from the distress-producing stimulus and toward something less arousing. change the subject.
f.. Choice - active planning - formulate specific plans
g.. Choice - seek help from others
h.. Choice - take a time out - do something physical, listen to music, peruse something inspirational, slowly count to 10 or 20. establish in advance what you will do in a time out. Remind self "I control my emotions" "the anger I feel will pass" "I will deal with my anger constructively". Most people require 20 minutes - that's how long it takes for the heart to return to normal. Consider massage, mediation, outside hobby.

"What You Want" Seventieth Edition

This is the 70th issue of "What You Want," a monthly e-zine dedicated to your success.

1. Upcoming programs

7/24 Penn Atlantic Nursery Trade Show - Atlantic City - Communicate with Strength: 19 Words that Undermine Your Effectiveness and Navigating the Tropical Storm - Overcoming negativity in the workplace

7/31 Meeting Professionals International - World Education Congress - Montreal - "19 words" and Wait there's more! 24 MORE Words to avoid to build better business relationships

2. Special

Exciting news!! My new cd "Gender Matters: How to Sell to Men (for men and women)" is now available at www.innovativeimpact.com - click on "products". Also, I have reduced shipping and handling charges for all THREE of my cd's. I invite you to check them out!

3. Book summary

I'm going to revisit a book this month; since it is mid-year, perhaps some of you are looking at annual financial goals. Do you want more money? I'm going to assume most of you will answer "yes". If so, an excellent book was recommended to me "The Only Investment Guide You'll Ever Need" by Andrew Tobias (ISBN: 0156005603). Some of the great ideas you come across include:

1) how to save money on health, auto and home insurance
2) how to save money on your mortgage
3) other specific money saving tips
4) magazines to subscribe to and magazines not to subscribe to
5) specific investment tips - types of funds, companies, phone numbers, websites, etc.

It's a clear, well written, easy to read book with solid info for those of you who "don't like to think about money issues but want to make money and have money in retirement". It's really helped me! Enjoy!